Sorry, so long.

I'm not sure where to start...I have so many things that I'd like to get off my chest just to be able to have them out in the open, out of my head, but it's still pretty hard for me to just let go and write it out. Haha. Pretty sad since I know no one will ever know who I am. Not that I really mind anyways. But I just don't know.

I'm a pretty unusual girl. I mean I'm not weird anything, well actually I am, you are, we all are in one way or another. But who is to say what 'normal' is anyways? Right? Haha. Anyways, I've had so many experiences in my life so far I'm afraid to see what 'adult-hood' is going to throw at me! Ha!

Anyways I'll tell you about one of my one of my  most forgotten, I'm not sure what to call it, uhh experience...? When I say forgotten, obviously I do not mean in the literal sense, how I mean is the kind f thoughts or memories I have blocked out of my head, far away from reach, so i don't have to sit here and be tortured by them whenever something reminds me of that night.

Okay so, one night I went to a dance, not my usual scene but I thought why not? I'll try something new. Well I went to the dance with one of my 'friends' and a mutual 'friend' of ours, little brother. After the dance we were planning to spend the night at the mutual friends house and maybe have a couple of drinks. Well the dance went fine blah, blah, blah. It was coming back to the girls house I should've been worried about.

Rewind:

Before we went to the dance we stopped at the girls house to pick up her little brother, and drop of our stuff, extra change of clothes, pillow, blanket, and ya know just random shit that chicks need. lol So when we went into the house, I seen her mom, her boyfriend and her room-mate. Well the girl, we'll call her G.I Jane haha, she came up to me and said my room-mate thinks your really cute. Well I had a boyfriend, the same boyfriend from one of my previous posts. Anyways I was like eh whatever haha. He's cute sure, really cute actually. However he was the last thing on my mind.

Speed it back up:

So we get home from the dance, and the girl was finally happy to have more company then just her boyfriend and the other guy. It was obvious that they had already been drinking, they were all pretty tipsy haha. So me and my partner in crime jumped right into it. We each had our own drink then we began playing a drinking game. So anyways were all hanging out laughing, ya know whatever, then Jane and her b/f go into the room to watch a movie. My friend was already getting pretty tired so we decided to chill out a little. We ended up going into the room-mates room messing around on the computer. Eventually I notice his arm around my waist. I wasn't thinking anything of it ya know. Whatever haha. So then my friend ends up laying on his bed. I announce I'm going outside for a smoke. He decides to come with me. Sure I say whatever.

The conversation went like this.

Him: "Can i get a drag?"

Me: "Sure" (:

Him: "Thanks."

Me: "Mhm"

Small talk I guess you can call it.

I was freezing my butt off being outside.

So I say, "Let's go back in."

He instead pulls me onto his lap.

I look at him and say, "What are you doing? Haha"

He laughs.

I wanted to get up but he felt so warm and cuddley*.

lol

He goes in for a kiss, I lean away and ask, "Do you even know my name?"

He was sooo hammered. He recites it. Boy did it sounds so sexy coming from those

perfect lips.

So I decide okay he deserves a kiss. Then we kiss. Ah it was such a hot kiss. I loved it.

We continued to kiss for a little longer, then I figured we should go in. Not with any intentions

to continue but just for the reason that it was getting way too chilly for me.

So we went in and he told me I should lay in his bed tonight instead of sleeping on the floor. I said, "Well

I honestly don't mind sleeping on the floor. Plus, Jane most likely wouldn't appreciate it."

He persuaded me to do it anyways. Anything that rolled of his tongue sounded like music and I loved this

certain genre. So I gave in. We went into his room. All the sudden we realize that Duh my friend is still on his bed. But she actually fell asleep. Hmm. Now what? Well he pulls me onto his couch and we start kissing again. I tell him, we need to go to sleep, by this time it had to have been maybe 2 in the morning. So we try to wake her up, she was out coldd! Haha. So eventually we had to convince her to come sleep out on the couch with me. I was tired too actually. Anyways we both go into the living room on the couch. I decided to make my bed on the floor, it wasn't a huge couch or anything so forget it! Ahaha.

Before we had gone into the living room, Mr.Hotness pulled me aside and said, "Wait ten minutes, for her to go back to sleep, then come back into my room."

I agreed.

Well it didn't happen, I fell asleep! BUT wait a minute last thing I knew I was thinking about how hard the floor was, then I'm being shook awake by the guy. Who knows what time it is.

I hear his sweet whisper in my ear, "What happened you were supposed to come into my bed?"

"I fell asleep..." I said.

Okay fast forward, we went into his room, I'm still dead asleep. He pulls me on top of him and he starts to kiss me. I'm in a dream state by this point thinking I'm having the best dream/fantasy  ever. Some how, some way we start to undress, and get all crazy. He starts biting my neck, I'm pulling his hair. Were playing with each other.

Not sure if I want things to go further, seemed to me like his dick was hugee.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, he's doing. We were just doing it. So he asks me  if I want to use a condom. In my mind I'm thinking there are only two answers, yes or no. So I say yes! SAFETY FIRST people!!!  It's obvious to me now I could have said no were not having sex. But being that I'm still half sleeping, half drunk, I say the obvious answer.

He puts it on, sticks it in boom bang bang. Were done awhile later. I feel incredible but horrible at the same time. As he pulled out he said, "Oh shit the condom broke...."   My head nearly falls off. Now I'm for sure WIDE AWAKE! I'm like, "Uhhh, Fuck, what do we do."  He's obviously not as mature as he made it seem, cause his next words were "I don't know, I just fucking came in you. I can't have a kid. We need to figure this out. I....I...I, ah fuck." Okay I understand that it's a bigg deal, HELLO I'm the one  that would get pregnant. So, "I say calm down.We just need to think straight here." next thing out of his mouth. "The morning-after-pill!"

So long story short, I ended up taking some pill, to prevent me from a possible disastrous pregnancy. I feel horrible. Just horrible, still a year later. I just can't help but think, what if I was supposed to have a baby, and I completely shrugged it off. I am so against abortions and anything that would jeopardize an innocent child's life. I feel so ashamed. I hate knowing that I have done something like that. I guess I live and learn. I haven't talked to the guy since. Good riddance, asshole. Couldn't even make me orgasm. Ha.

But,

Worst part about it is....I've done even worse things.