Anyways, I think I shouldn't refer to my sister as Cruella anymore. I'm not sure why, but she seems like she might actually be changing for the better. She seems to be happy and free. Not like how she was before when she was living with us. Ha ha. But I think it's because she's with the person she's supposed to be with. I'm happy for her. (: It was nice to see her smile and laugh an have fun. I think she made the right choice by being with the new guy. Well he's not really new since they were together before but yah. That's a different story. I'm not sure what to call her though. Well I'll figure it out.
Yah...So I talked to Douche Bag or Bum, whichever. He's really trying to get back with me, which is typical for him, but I really don't want to just make it that easy for him. It's like this EVERY time he fucks up. Yes, he's done this more then once. Errr, I hate it. I'm just not really wanting to go back to having him in my life. I mean I do love him, yes, but I haven't had the feeling of BEING in love with him for awhile. Ya know? I'm just so blah with him right now. He never has realized how much he hurts me. The things he does are just mind blowing. Like how do you not know I'd be angry with you ditching me to go to a beach with some ugly ass chick? I'm not bragging or anything okay? But come on, when the girl he's talking to behind your back is just hideous, you feel like your ugly as fuck, even if you know for sure, for sure that your not. Whatever. :/
So yesterday was St.Patrick's Day, and I didn't drink. Could have but I just didn't feel like it. Now being that I'm half Irish, half German as well, I should have drank right? Cause that's what we do. We drink to celebrate our Irish-ness. Right? I don't know really, but all my friends do, shit even if they're not Irish. lol!
I think I might be getting a car soon. My mom's friend who has been in my life since I was very little, has big money, due to a settlement, and uhhh he's talking like he's going to get me a car.....? Wow. That'd be fucking sweet but who knows with this guy. He's all kinds of fucked up.
Sorry for so much foul language I just don't really feel to chipper.
I have been in the worst mood for the last two weeks and I hate it. I don't eat that much and when I do I eat too much then I feel like a fucking beluga whale. My sleep is just as shitty as my appetite. I sleep for what seems like forever but, when I wake up I don't feel rested at all. I just don't know what's going on....I feel like really anxious and ancy, just weiiiiird. It's really pissing me off. When I get angry or upset about something I can usually just calm myself down and just forget about it or get over it ya know? But if I don't know what's bothering me, how can I fix the way I feel? I''m confused about almost everything, school, family, friends, my self, ex boyfriend, I don't know. And it's freaking me the fuck out. I'm never like this, except once in a blue moon when I feel like shit about everything that's happened to me or what I have done. I just wish I had someone to talk to but I don't have anyone. I want to smoke a fat ass bowl with at least like 4 beers and just think. But I'll eventually want to hang out with someone either Bum or one of the girls' and in both situations I'd most likely end up doing something stupid, as usual, so I have nothing to take my mind of all the bullsshit. Fuck.
Although I really do like the art here lol. Ahhhh.
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