2011

Already? So soon? Ah.
I feel okay, look okay, my mind might be a little weird but it's alright for the most part.
School is great, I love my professor's, they are in love with teaching, or at least act like they are.
Either way it's good for me to have those type of teachers, haha.

Family  is doing decent. I no longer speak to my sister she's been moved out for about 3-4 months now.
I guess it's better this way I don't know...She seems to only be a dark cloud weather she means to be or not I have no clue but she's not always full of good news or a good personality. She's very unpleasant unless shes had just the right about of liquor...which is sad but true.

On a better note, i got my first tattoo done on the 8th. It's everything I wanted it to be, cant imagine it any other way so hooray! I am planning on getting another asap.


WELLLLLLLL the beginning of this post was saved as a draft and actually somethings have changed. The sister part ahah I guess i wrote too soon l o l. We now talk on some what regular  basis. Things we talk about are just simple things nothing personal really or anything that has happened in the past so I think we might have a chance at being able to stay on good terms if the old shit isn't brought up. But we will see, no?

Okay so school same good, I'm doin good so yay for me. Work I am looking but uhhh not having any experience doesn't help at all. :( I'm still hopeful though.


Personal life wise....Me an Bum are again on rocky terms...SURPRISE! I know, I know. Ugh. Well it is what it is ya know? I'll figure out what we're doing eventually. Although there is another guy who has DEFINITELY caught my pretty little eyes! Oh he is super gorgeous I just want to kiss his face! Ahaha.
He's totally my "type". I can on;y imagine what our children would look like lmao. Anyways as usual he too is like every other guy who checks me out pretty  often but never has said anything to me. At least nothing like conversational wise, we've exchanged a few words but I want more NEED more dammit. He is so cute but so shy, but that only makes him even more cute! Ahah. Blah.


Man I hate the fact that, this is kind of sad but anyways, Bum is the only guy who can actually satisfy my needs. WTF?! Whyyy me? I'm like trying to figure out what I can maybe do for another person to have that uh "effect" on me but no luck. Greaaaat. What is a girl to do? Literally ahah.Hm, it's like we have this unbelievable connection and both of us don't want to lose that but we just can't  work either. So our solution is to just act like friends...with benefits lol. I guess that's what you can call it.


Ah I need to go shopping I love it. Makes me forget about all the stupid shit, till I get back home from the stores of course but STILL. (:

Hm, tiil I write again <3

read more...

Santa Babyy

blah blah ...I've been an awful good girl....blah blah blah, think of all the fun I've missed....think of all the fellas I haven't kissed. Or some shit like that right?
Too bad that's not true well it kinda is, kind isn't. On one half I wish I could've kissed these fellas instead of the ones I actually have but HEY beggers can't be choosers right?!
WOW thaaaat sounded bad. Ahahah.

Anyways, Christmas was great I'm visiting with my dad. Having a nice time :D Relaxing, new scenery, it's good.

I'm going home on Tuesday so that means even more Christmas gifts from my mama and grandpa haha.
Sweeeet :D Hopefully I'll get some good shitt.


Anyways Idk what else to say at the moment so till next time! <3

read more...

Oh Oh Oh!

I love music. I swear I will get a tattoo dedicated to it :)

Anyways I'm doing okay I guess. shit hit the fan like 10 days ago. I had my friends over and Bum. We were all drinking heavy shit mind you and my older brother too. Bum told everyone about the verrry darkest secret about myself. I do not want to go into detail about it right now though, I think someday I will have the balls to talk about it even if I am anonymous. Ha. There is no such thing but I'm doing it I guess. Yaaaah.

So school is almost over. Turned in a very important paper hopefully I'll get better grade then on the rough draft C is not acceptable! Hahah. I am capable of A+ :D

Thanksgiving is tomorrow! Yuck I hate TURKEY. I'd rather have just the pumpkin pie haha. I think I'm supposed to be a vegan or vegetarian at least I hate eating meat or watch it being cooked or thinking about it lol so I don't really eat it. Actually I don't eat much at all btu no on purpose I sometimes feel like I don't have the time to eat, which is a no go! I need to eat dammit....
Oh well.

Hmm, I wanna have sex with this one guy but uh idk he doesn't do it for me although he is verrry attractivce I just don't see the point if I don't get anything outta it haha. Geeez slut much? <3
Again, oh well.

My thought process lately has been you only live once so do whatcha do. But there are lines you do not cross. And I don't know, Ah I'm so conflicted in so many ways. Haha not a laughing matter.


I like this, "I can see the heavens but I still hear the flames...calling out my name"

What song is it from?  (:

<3 Till next time

read more...

November

Already? Holy moly. Ha. Well this month too so far is just okay, nothing special in a good way happened. I've been feeling like complete crap lately. The reason for that is I had a little get together at my house and when I say little I mean like 5 friends come over. Sooo, obviously I was just wanting to hang out and relax, have some drinks maybe some herb as well. And as usual things did not go as planned, well for about a quarter of the night they did, but of course shit hit the fan eventually. Boy did it hit the fan harrrrrd.....Bum freaked out, my brother freaked out my poor friends felt they should go home at 4 in morning. As for em I was a complete mess. Oh was it horrible, it still stings almost a week later. Usually my brain would do what it normally does with horrible memories an push everything out of my thoughts and lock em elsewhere but it hasn't yet....Weird.
 I don't like it.

Anyways, school's at least a nice escape. :) I have lots of admirers there but again as usual not one of them has the balls to just ask me out for a date er suttin. I think they'd be surprised to hear that I would say yesss. Even if it's an act of desperation they wouldn't know really. LOL. Fuck that's sad. But whatever do whatcha gotta do right?

Me, bum, and his friend had sex. Yes a threesome, my first ever...Well all of our firsts ahaha. And guess what?! It turned out completely horrible as well. I mean afterwards....Bum freaked out he actually got physical with me. He didn't punch me or nothing too bad, but ripping me around by my hair, throwing me around and shit like that is bad enough! Fuck that right?! Or is it my fault for having pushed on the threesome? I mean we all wanted to do it but I was the only one who had the balls to say OKAY let's get it movin then! Basically.
Bum ruined his car with a baseball bat, luckily it was the car and not me and his friend, which he ended up selling for $700.00 (Might of been worth more, I'm not sure I'm not a mechanic)

But with all that off my chest I've got a busy day ahead of me. I'll write more later, unload my brain.



<3 With all the love in my heart <3

read more...

October....

 So far is alright, I guess. Seems like time just keeps on flying. School is going good, home life is so-so. Little brother is still horrible, older sister is the same as him, older brother is like my best friend in this house besides my mom and sometimes she gets a stick up her bum, but not often. Me an Bum are doin whatever. Friend, boyfriend, lover, whatever.

I can't wait till Halloween it'll be fun :D One of my favorite holidays. I'm getting my costume tomorrow just not too sure what I will be though, I have some ideas but nothing concrete till I try it on an what not. I want to go to a few Halloween parties cause I've never been to one an I think it'll be exciting (:

 Tomorrow I'm going to a friends house, haven't seen her in like 5 months er something. So it should be niceee.

I've been smokin herb a lot lately to keep my head on straight, if I don't I get all stressed and that's never good. haha.

Well I should sleep, busy busy day tomorrow!
<3

Wish me luck ;D

read more...

Lost

I feel so lost lately. I'm fucking up in school, kind of. My home life is almost intolerable. My relationship with Bum is all sorts of horrible..I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I know I need to leave with him but i can't. I don't know what's the problem, I love him don't I? He says I don't show it. I try, I really do but for some reason I'm so stuck in my own bullshit it's hard to be there for someone else who needs you. :(



Ahh, I don't know mannnn. Fuck where am I lately? I think I should stop smoking so much. ahah But it really helps except for the lazy part. Ha. Geez, I need to shape up!!!!

I can do this....right?

read more...

Fuuuuuuuuuckin A.

So, I haven't blogged in quite awhile. Sadly. Maybe that's partly why I've been going crazy lately. Ha. all my thoughts are crammed in my brain. Well okay let's see, I've started school, I'm only taking three classes this semester. I am still with Bum for the most part. Were not exactly official but whatever I don't mind cause that's how we want it. And it's working out nicely! ;D

I had sex with my brother's friend. Very uh interesting night, definitely fun, but interesting. Lol. He's a bigger guy like 6 foot something and probably 250. Out of the norm for me, weight wise, but oh well. I didn't mind and nether did he. My brother has hooked up with two of my friends. My sister hooked up with his other friend. So I guess I just jumped on the ban wagon huh? Ugh. :/ Whatever though. I also had sex with this friend of a friend. It was nice, kinky ahaha, he too was about 6'3 and a little thinner but it was great. I used protection for both so don't think I'm just some little hoe. Hoe's could care less about condoms. Poor girls, and boys, so ignorant.

Anyways, were getting evicted. That's always fun. I wonder how my mother has not paid rent of 2 months....? I think she's on drugs. I mean I don't know for sure, but where else could this money be going? Not to food or gas cause were always low on that shit. It sucks cause she'll most likely ask me for my money from the school, and I'm trying to save it to get a vehicle so I can rely on my own damn self and not use her car...But what can I do? Get kicked out for not buying food for everyone? Everyone being, her, me, my older brother, little brother, older sister and her son. Seven people...that's a lot of mouths to feed. And my sis's kid eats like, a cow, so does my little bro. They shouldn't either they're overweight for their age an height. I looked it up!

Father isn't sending any child support, even though he is ordered by law, due to the fact that mother has no time aside from work to go to a courthouse in a city about an hour drive from home, to get divorce papers for him. Bastard.

I hate this. I feel like I'm in some foggy daze, I know there's going to be an explosion soon but I don't have the drive to get away from here. At least not to just go move in with Bum. :/ Especially without a car cause what if we were to break up er whatever ya call an he tells me to get out? Oh okay honey, well can you drive me back to my mommies house? Pssssh, fuck that. Sorry not going anywhere without a car. cause a car can also be used as shelter, just in case ya know? Blah I gotta go get the kids from school.

I'll try to make it a point to at least write up something everyday so my brain can unload.

Till then. <3

read more...