Yay. Well I didn't get intoxicated in any way on 4/20. I'm pretty proud. That's my first 4/20 where I've been sober since like 4 years er somethin. I mean I know it's not too long but still. Haha.

Me and Bum decided not to have sex without condoms anymore. I know we shouldn't have been having sex anyways especially without condoms but I don't know, ugh.

I'm so blah, but good, just tired, happy to be 18 almost!

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Such a damn mess.

I swear this house is just filthy, okay it's not that bad, filthy sounds like a roach infested shack. But it seems like every time I do the dishes there's fifty more piled up within ten minutes. It's so annoying. Especially since people don't rinse off their plates, which then forces me to scrub and scrub all this gunk off the dish. The house were renting is an older one, so we do not have a dishwasher. Lame but whatever. I love this house. Let's hope we don't have to move in a year like we usually do.


Yahhhhh.
Guess what?
I am not pregnant! Ahahha. It sucks to feel so happy about something that would be such a blessing but I'm just not ready for that kind of thing at the moment. Although I'm happy about it coming, I'm in such horrible fucking pain. It sucks doode. Like I'm bedridden for the first day. EVERY month on the first day I'm like a damn vegetable. Ugh. I need to go to a doctor an get that fixed er something. My sister said that it's not a good sign...
Freaks me out.


18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18 18. Wow.

So my birthday is less then two weeks. I'm not too sure on the tattoo I thought I was for sure about. I mean I'll get it done, yes, I'm just thinking I don't want that specific one to be my first. Blahhh.


Oh and today is 4/20. Usually I celebrate it every year, just for the fun of it, ya know? But this year will be different, I think... I hope. No smokin herb er drinkin either. I'll do my best not to give in haha.

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A little bit of everything.

Okay well I'm trying to get my shit together as much as I possibly can.
It's not too easy, when you have a kid mother though. Ugh. It's so frustrating
when the 'child' plays the role of mom, ya know? I don't blah.
I pray she'll grow up so my little brother has a chance at a good life...But right now it doesn't seem
to likely. Well at least he's doing good in school right? I mean I loved school. I was able to get away
from all the madness at home, be around all my little friends, be the teachers pet, haha. I was always the
teachers pet till about 5th grade er so.

So I have a DMV appointment in May, exactly one month. I'll be 18 this month as well. How exciting.
I can't wait to finally get my tattoos. (((: Anyways, we've now have our own car, we just got it today.
So looks like I'll be driving a Toyota Camry around haha. It's really nice yay! I'll be going to the community college I plan to go to for the fall. See what all I need to do in order to be enrolled and apply for financial aid an all that jive.

I need to start looking for a job asap, since now I know for sure I'll have transportation. I just can't wait to drive my damn self around haha.

I went to a used book store the other day, an found some really great books. I'm into the whole mystery/suspense type books, the page turners, ya know? I ended up leaving with five books for ten bucks, an another one that was like four. I received some for Christmas, which I thought was super lame but after I read them I just wanted more. The authors name is Ridley Pearson. Another author I like would be James Patterson, he has a shit ton of books so maybe you heard of him. Some of his books have actually turned in to movies, Kiss the Girls with Morgan Freeman (great actor!) and also Along Came a Spider (Morgan Freeman as well). It's somewhat like a min series with this one character Cross, Alex Cross ahahah. But yah they're pretty sweet. Pearson has a series of his own with certain characters that are just awesome.

ANYWAYS....Haha.
I smoke herb again today with an old friend.  Heehee. It was nice, except I'm the type of person that likes to have deep conversations about just different things that you need to have a certain interest in er somethinn to that effect, and she's just not that type of person. Like I started talking about the government, personally not a subject I would usually talk about, but it came up some way she just thought I was all faded talking about gibberish. But whatever. I guess with some kids you just need to talk about dumb shit, like what celebrity is cheating on his or her spouse, or which one is now pregnant haha. I could really give a shit less about that kinda of thing. One of the up's of not having cable.I do miss watching the news though lol. I feel like I'm so out of the loop on what's going on in the world.


Okay I obviously must still be high, cause I'm just blabbering away here. X]

I hope I'm not prego though. Don't get me wrong I love kids (I actually hung out with two of my nieces today! it was awesome they love me so much and it feels so great (: Were going to the park tomorrow) , I'd love to be in a stable enough position to have one but I am so not in a good position. Fingers crossed.

Okay anyways. That's all for now.

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My Spring Break

Wow, I haven't blogged since the 1st....
I've been so busy, busy, busy. Ahh.
Things are going okay for now, um we went to Disneyland on Sunday :D
It was really great, I had a wonderfulll time. (: <3   We went on ALL the main rides.
This was actually only my 3rd time going there! Haha. Kind of sad since it's not too far from
where I live, but whatever. Oh and within the next 30 days we can go to California Adventures
for free! Pretty  sweet lol.

School's the same boring and not challenging whatsoever. Can't wait to get my ass into college.

Well I haven't gotten a car yet, but who knows it might happen. Trying to be optimistic here, ha!

I went and seen Alice in Wonderland, loved it.

Easter was great. I was able to hang out and play babysitter all day with my nieces!!!! <3 Gosh I love them so much.

I stayed at my brothers house about an hour away from home. It was great.
We smoked a bowl or two. Had some drinks. I love his girlfriend and my other niece. She's getting so big.
She's already walking at the age of ten months! Pretty sweet. We went fishing I caught a whole butt load! It was awesome.

Well I've still been hanging out with Bum, he got kicked out so I had no choice but to kind of take him in... Uh whatever.

Now I'm waiting for my period.... :(
Shit.

I'll write more later.

Hope for the best huh?

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Can you believe that?

Omg. Okay so interesting weekend! Very interesting. Bum stayed over all weekend. :O
I know right? Crazy. Well my mom left with her friend which is why Bum came over in the first place, cause I have this paranoia issue to where I can't stand being home alone at night. I have thee creepiest neighbors and I don't know. Anyways, it was just me, Bum and my little brother. Bum brought over 2 forties for us to drink....
But I wasn't really in the drinking mood, so I only had about half which still gave me a little buzz. Can you guess what happened?

I'm sure your right. We had sex. AMAZING sex. I mean OH MY GOODNESS sex ahaha.  I don't regret it either cause I loved every second of it. And I love him as he is. But I just feel were are not meant to be together at this moment in time, ya know? Me an him are almost perfect together, I say almost because there is no such thing as 'perfect', but if there was, we'd be it. Haha. I don't know I still have a lot of anger towards what happened with us, but we just have this bond and it can't be broken by anything. It's weird, I guess I'll figure it out eventually!

Anyways, my sleep has been somewhat better, I still toss and turn wake up here in there because of weird ass dreams but I can't remember exactly what they were, I just know they were out of no where and weird. Nothing to do with what is going on in my life right now.... Maybe my subconscious mind is trying to tell me something....? LOL

Moving onnnn.

So I still don't have a car >] And this money's being spent quick! Haha. This fool, just gave 5k to his mom, 1k to his sister, 1k to his oldest son, and he's going to give another 1k to his daughter, and, the biggest, 20k to buy a motor home for himself. But HEY!!!!! What about me?? I've had to deal with this piece of shit since I could talk.... He kind of owes it to me for ruining numerous things throughout my life, not only for me but for my entire family. I mean he's not a model citizen. The least he can do is buy a fucking $1500 car so I can get away from all this shit. I'll keep my chin up though. Ahahahah.

Boy oh boy.

I'm honestly losing control over my ability to be calm and collected. I have a little brother that is 10, but acts as if he is 20, that just annoys the shit out of me. He is verbally and psychically abusive towards everyone and anyone, especially me, you can be the pope and he wouldn't give a rats ass how he acts/talks/looks in front of you. He just doesn't have any respect or discipline. I sit here, get straight A's in all my classes, clean up the house, do yard work, mind my own business, don't ask for much, and you know that kind of thing. But I still just get shit on. He gets everything he possibly could want and treats us all like crap, and when I finally decide to say something, because for fucks sake I'm almost 18 and he's 10, I'M the 'bad guy'.... Like seriously? Really? What the hell? Am I the crazy one here? I don't know what to do?

If I could I get him a first class plane ticket back to Daddy dearest! ;]
(don't get me wrong my Dad is GREAT but he doesn't take any shit!)

About to pull my hair out.
Till then.. <3

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